This selfie, more like schlep-fe (fie foe fumb), was took at the end, last full day,, of my early "Keene cleaning"( n Keene, NY) aka "spring cleaning" of psyche and withers nether or other - clover blossoms not yet pointil-listas in ice and snow-pressed -canvas-beige fields.
I yield, nay, I brake, for such fields, what surrounds them there, tall mountains and the ceaseless slurrrrr of spruce and fir forest. Would that I were there now for Autumn color but leaves are down already, pretty much,
and wind with those countless leaves does add rattle to the slurrrr.
I have stood long still, cane-leaning, into sound,
full ground swell in Pleistocene song.
Shall too soon be 'lithic' myself, right eye in what appears to be in permanent squint, which is the new name for my elder-ing self, shelf life not yet expired but close, a smudge-smear over that year ahead when/then (it's) ashes to ashes (down to that), no more need for socks and such, no more spitting into the wind for luck or lurch.
"Perched", say,
whilst I can.
So unfair it is that just now, only past 10 years or so, am I able to be still, to be present-er, a very real arrival (believe you me), and the hitch-bitch of it is now I have to be smudged, un-here'd, ears for thunder no more, nor trees falling; up in high mounts such as these, very old, their ongoing tympani of crack-snaps, entire length of dead or dying trees sundering.
Satisfying to hear, rare to see, don't wanna get too close but's no known time clock for trees as there is naught for my knees, I'll vouch. The crouch and lean does covey a tick and tock indicating clock wobble and the waning. They, trees, not knees, fall at mysterious appointed times which, down and grounded, go into mulch mode, decay-alchemy in layered weathered phases. That's for me, sockless, formless, but fast to ashes hopeful enough to add a thimble of nutrients for the ever unfolding, yes, overused word, so sue me,
PAGEANT.
(tipping my hat but not my tea cup to poet James Merrill here).
This encounter was in covid year 2020, months of solo wandering in tundra (just to sound wilderness-ish, but it was indeed though 9N divided chaos with it's paved order, Munch and me both seemed to be conjoined from the sloppy braid of our paw prints be-dappled, dung on the side (not mine, too damned cold to squat tho sometimes urged) in snow.
FAT CHANCE!
plead "I WAS FRAMED!" to the night sky in the front field, my boy's flashlight signaling
SOS SOS SOS
SOS SOS SOS
remorse code to what ever-who might appear outta stars and retrieve me,
But no pity. No pity.
Done with that.
"Lord love a duck."
Which is fun to say.
And it worked. Rather, the cooing forth at, getting back to, Munch, hunched, hunkered, hang-dogged, come by it honestly, like me but recovered and bearing my own tale with wider vantage in and out, in or was, and now, see it's all a kind of weather.
So, I hope Munch's still ambling about but didn't we make a good pair, each respecting our careful distances what allowed some company and kinship in Duende Gulch, a hide away where we'd both stand, pause and be present to each other. Squint me and Cousin Munch, now kin, some kinder space between to make meaning for me, more of it, and whatever the equivalent or near to for the 'yoté pilgrim haint, head permanently down, still, I hope, around Spruce Hill, Mount Marcy peak just peeking over Hurricane ridge, keeping watch overall Its terrain 360 around, between, and below
Come January, then, I hope to return. Left eye aiming to see Cousin. Meanwhile, singing this cracked song with lent crow throat what used to carry a tune:
Don't Let Me Come Home A Stranger:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sk-G3ht8d40&list=RDsk-G3ht8d40&start_radio=1
**
O stand radiant-starred late afternoon
O stained stark shadows' black frieze
astonished stooped man
time's wee piss-boy
damp bunk-bed mattress fears
O stand glazed from edges
gaze to bark
vine maps of escape
Iron shadows
impress long into
wet pit
sun shards
spy glass
throat sore
Cracked song for dirty boots